Patent Kurt's Hurts

OK I admit it, I haven't written because I’ve been sulking. Not only has my foot been giving me some proper aggro as the nerve has been going through the ‘I’m awake and I’m angry, what did you do to me, freeze me? I’m awake and I’m angry’ cycle. Then to top it off, I received confirmation that I didn’t get in to the London Marathon next year. I cancelled the hotel room in the huff. You can shove yer Premier Inn right in.

I couldn’t even get a place on a golden bond, even pledging to raise two grand isn’t enough to get you in. I bet some ‘K’ list celebrity that’s slept with someone who knows someone that’s worked with someone on the X Factor has got a place. They’ll be there at the opening of an envelope on the Friday night in Hoxton, necking glasses of Moet and Chandon and gromfing down plate after plate of some posh grub that I’m too bitter to remember the name of and then they’ll be trotting down the Strand on the Sunday, after taking twelve hours to do the marathon. Perhaps if you hadn’t had to stop off every fifteen minutes to touch up your lippy darling, you might have done it in less than seven hours. Pah.

‘Bitter, party of one’

It’s probably for the best though, given the amount of thrashing the nerve is giving me at the moment. I was so huffy that I thought 'sod it' and tortured myself by wearing the most amazingly, gorgeous pair of patent Kurt Geiger shoes I will ever own to a beautiful winter wedding last week. It’s not gone unnoticed that I have no photos of me on the day as the wife of the best man, however I do have two random photos on my phone of my feet in said shoes (exhibit A and B attached m'lud) To give me some dues they were taken before we had a sherry or two to toast the happy couple......and the brilliant best man’s speech.

Ahhhh, yes I remember these shoes, purchased about five years ago from House of Fraser at Meadowhell. They should have been well over a hundred quid but I spotted them at a reduced, bonzer price of £49. To be fair, there probably aren’t any pixie footed freaks out there that they’d fit, other than me. They are teen-mc-weeny and they make me almost tall, well tall-ish….less than small, let’s stick with less than small.

After wearing them for approximately thirteen hours last Saturday, including at least an hour having a good old boogie to Dazzling DJ Dave my feet were squealing with delight to be set free of the corsets that had bound them for so long and both my feet were shall we say, a tad on the 'sore' side on the Sunday. Thankfully I didn’t have to get up and toddle off for Marathon training.

Perhaps the ballot outcome wasn’t so bad
after all.
Pah!

I'll take them!

The shop assistant watched me suspiciously as I wandered around the shop picking out my favourite shoes. I didn’t know at the time but it seems that in high-end retail units they always display the smallest size that they have, I realised this after asking her three times if they had certain pairs in my size and she always replied, ‘the smallest size is the size on display’, who would have thought it eh? It didn’t take me long to realise that there was probably only four pairs in my size in the entire shop. I’m a 35.5 and for those that don’t know European sizes that translates to “effin’ small”. When trying three of the pairs on I walked out of them like an infant practising in mommy’s shoes, but the pair that had the strap across and the cute gold button was the perfect pair, heels like skewers, jet black exterior, grey leather lining, did I mention the heels? Oh yeah baby.

It was only when I uttered the immortal words ‘I’ll take them’ that the snooty assistant seemed to thaw. Very soon I was skipping back up King’s Road suddenly feeling a lot less hung over and sweaty. To celebrate parting with an inordinate amount of money for some bits of leather we popped in to The Cadogan Arms on King’s Road to partake in their finest burger. We utilised four seats; me, my husband, Mel and the shoes.

I have a number of memorable moments wearing those Manolos. First outing was for the Parry wedding which I believe was a good night, can’t remember much of it to be honest though I do remember thinking how comfortable the shoes were even after three hours of dancing. Then there was the interview; I got the job and it was definitely down to the shoes, not how I interviewed on the day.

The last time I wore the Manolos was exactly 4 years ago at Fountains Abbey attending a wedding. It was about two weeks after the devastating floods in Yorkshire and I know that’s when I last wore them because I noticed the mud and grass still on the heels when I got them out yesterday to take the photo. Oooops.

Happy Anniversary for yesterday Mr & Mrs Shearer.

M-M-M-My Manolos

So what shoes are first up to tell my story? It’s probably going to have to be my first pair of Manolos which I admit, I’m not yet ready to sell. They are very personal as my lovely husband bought them from the commission fee from his first library music album. I remember going to the shop in London like it was just yesterday and opening the door to the smell of (sorry vegetarian friends) leather…..maybe I’m not into shoes after all but have a leather fetish….just a thought. Anyway, as I remember the evening before had been spent with our friend Mel who we hadn’t seen for a while so there was the usual level of London fuelled inebriation and a late night well into the wee hours. The morning after I felt charming…..perfect for shopping for a pair of shoes that would set me back a mortgage payment.
Off we trotted across London before realising half The Tube wasn’t working. So picture this, it’s a hot summer’s day, we’re all nursing a hangover and we have to walk about 2 miles. For me, the word 'minging' comes to mind.
The look on the shop assistant’s face when I rang the door-bell (yes you have to ring the bell to gain access to the premises) was priceless. You know that bit in Pretty Woman where the assistant thinks Julia Roberts is a hooker without money? Yeah…..a bit like that.